Have you ever had that feeling that if you started to cry that you might not ever stop?
I have that feeling at the moment and I’m not even sure why because everything in my life is so ridiculously, insanely amazing right now. And I mean AMAZING! I have not a single reason to be sad. But I still feel like the tears are just there, under the surface, threatening to come out and cut my legs out from under me. I can feel the tension in my shoulders and my teeth clenching as I hold them back. I am unwilling to lose control, unwilling to look stupid, determined to not be judged by others as being ridiculous.
But another part of me wonders what it would be like if just surrendered, let go. Would I break? Or would it free me from something that my conscious mind can’t even see or understand. Maybe these hidden tears are not even mine. Maybe they are someone else’s and it is my job to be the one to set them free so that person can be at peace again.
My hands are trembling a little as I type but the knots in my stomach are steadfast. Nothing is escaping their hold – well at least for tonight. The box of tissues beside me is safe.
Maybe tomorrow I will be brave enough to let just a few out. After all how much damage can a few droplets of salty water running down my cheeks actually cause. I’m pretty sure the world won’t end.
PS. This blog post is both a creative piece of writing and an exploration of how as humans we are all connected to one another. Sometimes the feelings running through us are not necessarily our own. Sometimes it can be the sadness of things happening to those around us or to people on the other side of the world. I am completely fine and my life is perfect exactly as it is – emotions and all.